


Monster Madness Drabbles

by duh_i_read (duh_i_write)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: 100-1000 Words, Drabble Collection, Multi, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-06
Updated: 2010-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-07 01:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duh_i_write/pseuds/duh_i_read
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of drabbles written for the Livejournal community good__evil for Monster Madness month 2009.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Answers to Questions Never Asked

**Author's Note:**

> The non-con warning applies to the last drabble only.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the pixie knows, Drusilla knows.

Spike wheeled into main space of the factory, where Drusilla sat on the floor surrounded by multi-colored piles of dust.

"What's all this?"

"Trying to tempt the pixie out of my head."

Spike rolled closer, dipping his pinkie in an orange pile. It tasted like orange, the next pile like grape, another like cocaine. This being the Hellmouth, the blow was mostly dried Siptx wings.

"Right, ducks. If you need me, 'm gonna have a word with the minions then watch some tapes."

Drusilla didn't look up. The trapped pixie answered: _ watching the slayer. He is already lost to you._


	2. At Least The Engine Was Solid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander gets ripped off.

_Wack._ "Harris!" Spike yelled, "What possessed you to buy anything at Crazy Bob's?"_ Wack._ "He's a..." _Crack._ "Bloody cheat." _Whump._

"I got such a good deal." Xander was motionless on the sidewalk.

"Spike, move!" Giles finished wrapping the sodden cloth around the tip of the arrow. Spike parried left as Giles lit the cloth and let the bolt fly.

Piercing the windshield, the interior caught fire. The Gremlin revved its engines, turning in a 360 loop straight at them. Another flaming arrow from Giles and car exploded.

Xander sighed. "I'm never going to have a cool car."


	3. Showdown In Aisle 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joyce. Leprechaun. Cereal. Nuff said.

"If you say anything," the little man said, "I will curse you, your children and your children's children."

Joyce's eyes narrowed, tapping her fingers on the basket handle. "I was only going to ask if you needed any help."

The little man glared at her. With a wave of his hand, three more boxes of Lucky Charms floated off the shelf and landed neatly in the little cart, tiny replicas used by children while their parents shopped. For all she knew, the store ordered them especially for the _other_ residents of Sunnydale, those bedtime story characters on late-night shopping runs.


	4. Death In The Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absinthe and magic really don't mix.

A week later, the flat was still full of faeries.

They tried banishing them, swatting them, tempting them with honey and shiny things. Philip even stole a neighbor's cat, but all the faeries did was cover it in fairy dust and change its fur blue.

On Saturday night, the six of them sat in the hallway, passing last of the Absinthe between them for inspiration, throats burning; the faeries ate the last of the sugar.

"Bugger this," Ethan said, "I always hated the place."

"There are rats," Dierdre said.

"And bedbugs" Randall added.

Ripper nodded. "Let the fairies have it."


	5. Definitely Not A Kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not a lilac point Siamese.

That same building Glory once lived in was where Clem squatted; Spike never went there unless it was an emergency.

This was an emergency.

"Clem!" he yelled, banging on the door.

"Hi Spike," Clem said, "popcorn?"

"No. Want to know why I found _this_ where my kittens should be." From a wicker basket, Spike removed a squawking gryphon cub, brown downy wings flapping against yellow fur.

"Don't you remember? Chucky bet it against all your Siamese and lost."

"So where's my seven lilac point--"

The gryphon squawked, hacking up a ball of white and gray fur at Spike's feet.


	6. It Is A Silkie's Nature To Forsake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a silkie's nature to forsake. But no one is without complexity. Post Chosen.

Dawn is yelling over the coastal wind. "It's your average selkie story. Prince's skin is stolen by warlocks. Prince is forced to live a mortal life while pinning for the sea. Adopted by human family, goes to college, gets married, has some kids and a successful job. About seven years ago, he hires Wolfram &amp; Heart to find his skin. They succeed, he forsakes his human life to become king. Giles is hopeful they'll be our newest allies."

"Why?" Buffy asks.

Of all the selkies on the beach, only the king is in human form. He stands.

"Buffy. Dawn."

"Dad?"


	7. They Laughed When The Girls Said Makeup Was A Necessity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faith doesn't laugh at the girly girl slayers anymore ether.

The standard slaying kit includes three stakes, two vials of holy water, a cross, a sliver dagger, a sliver chain, a length of rope, a roll of gauze, fifty bucks in small bills, a roll of quarters, a fake ID and an emergency card with four next of kin numbers and a candy bar in a black waterproof shoulder bag.

"Can't believe none of you girly girls keep a compact in your bag," Faith says. She picks up a dagger from the pile, leans around the van with her eyes closed and chucks it at the Medusa on sound alone.


	8. This Wasn't In The Handbook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Succubus handbook didn't cover this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: non-graphic non-con in Part 2. That's what Succubus's (Succubi)do. Despite the warning, this is suppose to be amusing.

The succubus crept through the window and along the ceiling. Below, her target slept back to back with human female.

No, not quite human…

"I wouldn't." The not-human rolled over.

"You shouldn't be able to see me."

"I still retain some of my abilities." Shit.

"Anyanka?"

"In the now mortal flesh. You better leave my Xander alone. He's off limits."

She dropped to the floor. "This is the third time tonight I failed to steal any essence. I'll lose my job for sure."

Anya patted her back. "Look for the lonely ones, they're less likely to have orgasm friends."

________________

Giles blinked sleep from his eyes.

"I'm still dreaming."

"Umm," the succubus riding him stilled. "Right. You're still dreaming."

The dagger under his pillow was at her throat. "Get off me, hellion."

"You're not supposed to wake up! I'm never going to get this right!" the succubus wailed.

"You should leave now. Find someone else to suck dry so I won't have to slit your throat."

The succubus slid off his cock and sat next to him on the bed, bat wings wrapped around herself dejectedly.

"What about the vampire chained up downstairs?"

Giles professional curiosity perked. "Go right ahead."

_________________

"Feel so drained, luv." Spike breathed. "Too bad I don't got any fags."

She perched on the end of the tub, reading a tiny book. If Spike wasn't so sated, he'd have asked where a naked demon kept such a thing.

"Fuck!"

"In a little bit, baby."

"Shut up vampire! I'm going to lose my job because apparently vampire essence is dead."

"Everyone knows that."

"But not all vampires. You haven't come back from the dead recently, have you?"

"No, just the once."

"Double fuck!"

"I do have the address of a bloke in LA you may wanna look up…"


End file.
